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Raise Your Self Esteem in 2 Steps

How to Raise Your Self-Esteem in Two Steps

It is my personal opinion that most people are unnecessarily insecure. These insecurities can hold people back from being truly happy, and living life to the fullest. Where do these insecurities come from? How can we become more confident?

The need for the approval of others is one of our first learned behaviors. As we started life, many of us learned that we received our parents love when we did things that pleased them. We were met with negativity, or not as much love, when we did things that upset them. Our parents were the gods of our universe at that time, and their love was not only desired instinctually, but was necessary for our survival.

As we move out into the world as individuals, we still feel that the acceptance and praise of others keeps us validated, and defines us as meaningful contributors to society. So this means that a large motivator for doing anything is the expectation of positive feedback from someone else.

When we receive praise, we allow it to lift us up, and we feel good about what we have done. A negative reaction from someone, can make us feel bad, and can even make us question our validity.

People's responses to outside stimulus are based mostly on unconscious neurological brain patterns. In other words, positive or negative judgments are not based on any valid truth. We have low self-esteem because we’ve allowed this to define us as people.

I.e. If my association with Easter is: being stuck in a really hot station wagon, wearing an ugly, ruffled, polyester dress that I hated, my mind will create a negative association around all things Easter. Because of this negative experience, my head will try to keep me safe from feeling this discomfort again by flooding my nervous system with negative feelings in response to Easter stimulus. From a subconscious standpoint, Easter things equal pain. I will be internally prompted to shy away from, or reject anything in the Easter category.

Years later, this turns into me declining an invitation to go to Easter dinner at your family's house. You may decide that because of this, I don't like you, or I think you’re bad cook, or that your family is horrible company.

If I say yes to the invitation, you assume it means that I do like you, I do think you're a good cook, and I love being around your family.